i’m way too coooool for ya boy…

“i’m way too cool for ya boy,that’s why it’ll never work. I’ll have you suicidal, suicidal - when I say IT’S OVER.”

-from Jojo’s version of “Beautiful Girls”

How I wish it’s just this easy. Throwing this line and leave, won’t hurt a bit and just strut my self off. Not easy when you have this damn guilt inside, eating you up, decaying your justifications.

What the heck am I talking about? Well, I made a problem for myself. (As if, I don’t have enough already.) It really drives me crazy. Can’t sleep on time, can’t think straight, can’t even damn decide on how to handle this thing.

I can’t shoo off this feeling. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not falling for a boy. It’s the other way around. Then, how does that become a problem? Because I think I sent mixed messages to cultivate his liking towards me. Man, I really didn’t mean it, if I really did. But the problem is, it happened already. Something happened that I know better than to disclose it here. (so many spies, so many eyes, so many lips moving)

It’s Monday, and I’m wishing for something to intercept my scheduled classes later at night. I can’t step in the place!! I’m not ready yet.

J.P.C, help me…waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh… I know you’re a bit confused with what you’re currently bearing, but oh… it’ll pass. We know that, right?

I really wish I could just sleep and this feeling would go away.

For him: I’m really too much than you can handle. I don’t play games. I’m serious and I’m not just for a fling thing… You’re way too young, and besides I see you as my younger bro.. I’m way too cool for you…Attached or not, I don’t see myself being with you. I’m sorry.

(waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. sana madali talagang sabihin. *#&*@)

DISCLAIMER: I don’t go along with the message of the whole song. Just the part that I mentioned. ^^

when silence is too much

“hindi man maganda yung i love you eh, mas maganda pa yung i love you too“

That’s my baby girl talking right before she dozes off to sleep. It has been our way of showing affection to each other to say i love you’s every now and then, especially during bed time.

I’m not a show-tell person when it comes to affection. Nababaduyan ako. Kahit sa sarili ko pa. But I love being the receiver of affectionate gestures and words.

Pero may hangganan din pala ang lahat. Hindi pala maganda ang isang kalagayan na hindi mo alam kung nasaang dulo ka ba. Masakit man sabihin, pero nagmumukhang tanga ang lahat nang dumadaan sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Parang ganito lang yan. Hindi kayo, pero parang kayo. Sweet. HHWWPSSP (Holding hands while walking pa sway sway pa.). Going out together. Kahit ano na yatang pwedeng gawin ng committed sa isa’t isa (ung official na magboyfrend) eh nagagawa na. Ewan, uso yata talaga. Muntik pa kong mapasama sa uso na iyan. Buti na lang nag iisip ako. Hindi ko lang kasi ma-take yung ganun. Anong ganun? Yung sweet kayo, pero hindi ko naman matanong kung kami nga ba. Yung nakikita kami ng mga tao at lahat sila alam eh item kami pero hindi naman. Yung nag iinvest ako ng feelings sa isang tao na hindi ko naman alam kung hanggang saan at kailan ko magiging kasama at kung ano ba talaga ako sa buhay niya. Para kang nag iinvest sa pyramiding scam.

Tapos ang masakit pa nyan, kinikilala nyo ang isa’t isa bilang ‘close friend’. Ok fine. Kung masaya kayo sa trip na yan. Go. Pero deep inside, gulong gulo din naman kayo sa totoong feelings.

Napansin ko lang ha. Dumadami na talaga ngayon ang mga lalaking ‘flirt’. Yan yung mga solid kung mangarinyo at mag pa sweet. Yan yung mga tipong ka iinlovean ng kahit na sinong babaeng matino ang isip dahil sa kanilang angking gilas. Pero beware, takot yang mga yan sa commitment. Ayaw manligaw dahil takot mabasted, or sobrang confused.

At dumadami din ang mga babaeng nagpapauto. More than ever. Tsk tsk tsk. Iba na ang style ngayon.

Takot nga siguro akong masaktan. Ilang beses na rin yun. Nakakasawa din kasing mag gamble. Pero hindi ko talaga kayang lumagay sa sitwasyon na feeling ko habang buhay ko huhulaan kung minahal ba ako o malapit na kaibigan lang. Magkasakitan na, cge, at least alam ko naman ang kalalagyan ko.

The Thinnest Borderline Ever

Have u ever felt so wonderful in someone
else’s eyes - who’s not blood related to u?
Have u ever been told u look good,
pretty, beautiful and u stood out of
every one else, but it’s not your
boyfriend talking?
Did someone told you that they love u so
much, but not in a romantic way,it’s a
platonic one?

This is what me and a friend chatters
about while taking a break, while
working, virtually, almost every now and
then.

The Fuss?
Where do we draw the line of friendship
and romance?
Hers is a complicated one. Felt
something wayyyy back before for the
‘friend’, but overcame it eventually,
and now, it seems to be coming back.

You know, it’s hard!! Super. Ok, she’s
not a flirt. So why do i talk about her?
Simply because i find myself amused by
her situation. She told me that
sometimes, if she just didn’t know the
real score between her and the friend,
she might really fall for the guy. But
then, we both know, it’s better that
they stay the way they are now. They
have a fantastic relationship - friends,
that is.
I remember I told her one time that, if
i just don’t know them, I’d think that
they’re an item.

Well, I guess, the borderline comes when
you know deep inside you that you can’t
- and you won’t do this thing for other
friends; when you started going an extra
mile not because it’s a friend, but
feeling more than that.

It’s more of the feeling. More of what
fuels your emotions.
Don’t create a ghost, a demon or a phantom.

I should know, for I have created one
long time ago. And I know, shields,
armor, and swords are ineffective.

You don’t want to go along with your
life when you know there’s always
something out there - lurking,
anticipating, ready to eat you alive.

The best way to go? The KISS Principle
we have studied in our Software
Engineering course..stands for Keep It
Simple, Stupid.

And NEVER ASSUME.
Apply the WYSIWYG interface..
What You See Is What You Get.

And don’t leave your common sense at home..

Now I should be going back, coz I think
mine is there… hehehe…

’til next post.

…why!?!…

ever had the feeling…err, experience, when you just cannot simply put something/someone off your mind?… hard, eh?

and what makes it harder is the guilt, which is constantly pestering you to stop doing what you are already doing,based on..well, forbidden feelings..

damn…

when things are finally falling in their rightful places…it always come to this!!!

for heaven’s sake, don’t mess up this chance please…have mercy..<this is for me…>

and for once, please just this one damned moment…DO NOT OVERDO IT!!! and will you stop whining about something you have long decided against on. remember… do not fall for this ’sheer feeling’… for soon, before u know it, it will be gone…

and will leave you floating, hanging in nowhere again…

don’t, please, let yourself fall again for a moment so wrong…

…he’s just a flirt!!! okei…you have told so yourself ages ago…

…right now, you’ve got your hands full and please, don’t spill them for this boy…

it’s not fuckin’ worth it…

<pardon for the term, i just really need some swearing ryt now…>